Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
