The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize