I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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