Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
