She is in my trunk
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
