once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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