Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
