It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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