i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize