so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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