just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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