I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
