obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
