ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
