Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
