too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
