I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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