Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
