I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
