I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
the liver wants what the liver wants
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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