tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
