Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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