are you so shy because you have an std?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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