just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
