u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
