I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize