My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
