Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize