Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
