dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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