but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
