Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
tell me about the fingering
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