I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize