It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Vodka?
Forever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
