I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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