how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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