Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
