I must be too annoying 4 u.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
