At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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