found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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