Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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