At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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