yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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