yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
