i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
