woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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