i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
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oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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