tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
