She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
