We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
