I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize