Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
