He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
