Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
