Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He shit in the fireplace
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
