just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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