you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
