I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
