Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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