im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
