I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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