1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
