so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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