we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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