I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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