Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
