it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
