you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
