??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
