a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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