Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
