You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
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u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
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Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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