Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
