I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
