the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
