she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
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Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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