I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
