I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
