It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
