Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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