Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The adults are the big ones right?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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