youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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